


A Boondollar Store full of Cheap Tricks

by Sudrien (a_b_b_e)



Series: The timeline in which Roxy Bends [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Contortion, Don't Try This At Home, F/F, Flexibility, Temporary Character Death, Worldbuilding, contortionist, you will die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-11-13 13:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11186079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_b_b_e/pseuds/Sudrien
Summary: Rolal, where did you get those duds? And ears? (illustrated)





	1. Chapter 1

gutsyGumshoe [GG] opened memo on board THE BUGGER IS A CUMQUAT

GG: By the time you read this, I shall have expired from exhaustion

GG: My target has eluded me for hours; and now I am at my end

GG: To Dirk I leave my house, and all whipping boy privileges should my father ever be freed; it will at least be better then living over a well of suffocation

GG: Jake can have the piano - you seem to have developed an aptitude over the last several months. I know you can master "chopsticks" if you apply yourself.

GG: Roxy

GG: Oh, Roxy, Dear

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] responded to memo.

TG: whattt

GG: Seriously

GG: Now that I'm at death's door you finally speak up?

TG: can i get, lyk, yr dessicated ashes

GG: It's been weeks since anyone has seen you

TG: *dessidaded

TG: *dried up

GG: If you can find my corpse, dearest Roxy, yes. It will be pre-desiccated, just for you.

TG: hot digggidy

GG: Wait no, he threw me a water bottle.

TG: he who?

TG: i mean damnmnmn it

GG: You read [Midnight Crew](http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Midnight_Crew), right?

TG: lets say yes

TG: i meen

TG: yes

GG: So, when I woke up this morning, I checking things out from the balcony, and there was [Clubs Deuce](http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Clubs_Deuce). Or the carapace version of him. Which looked suspiciously like the other CD. The little chap you capchalogued.

TG: [courtyard droll](http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Courtyard_Droll)

GG: If you insist

GG: It's weird the hat wiki has a page for both of them? Isn't it?

GG: Anywho, the little chap is making a beeline for my house. Trying to learn what became of his missing brother? I think. But no. He was carrying a package. And if he's following Deuce's Modus Operandi, as well, I figure, that package must be a bomb.

TG: a bomb

TG: sriusly?

GG: So I pull on my coat - Did I ever show you my [Problem Sleuth](http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Problem_Sleuth) cosplay? That coat. Over my pajamas, grab a hat and slippers, and I'm off after him.

TG: couldn't yu just fork im

GG: I'm no good at range. You know that's your and Jake's department. And he finally left a week ago.

GG: How does hat wiki have a PS page with nothing on it?

TG: he hid from dirky that long?

GG: I was trying very hard not to throw him out. I think it was an appeal the machismo of femininity or whatever that was that finally worked.

GG: Anyways.

GG: I chased CD from my house thrice before deciding I'd have to handle his threat more seriously. So four hours ago I apparently took off on a brisk foot tour of the seven lands.

TG: leadin to your untimey death

GG: Let's quit that, I'm going to be fine.

GG: And now he's gone. He let me chase him six hours and now he's gone. I hate this game.

TG: awwww

GG: He even tried to blow me up while I was chasing him. With that box. But I wouldn't let that happen. I just came at him from another angle. Bugger always managed to pick the thing back up, though.

TG: but

TG: if he was fine pickin it up, it wasn't a bomb?

GG: Whatever.

GG: I'm going home.

TG: what if its not a bomb

TG: but for u

GG: So, Roxy, where have you been lately?

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] banned [TG] from memo.

GG: And screw you too.

~

It was there on the doorstep, of course. The box. Jane picked it up, gently shook it. It was heavy - it's weight shifted weirdly in her hands as she tilted it.

Whatever. She needed a break from this mystery. She lobbed the box on to the kitchen table before taking that break. And changing out of those sweaty pajamas. And taking a shower.


	2. Chapter 2

It took two sandwiches and two tall glasses of milk to renew Jane's interest in the box. It was about the same size and shape as one which Jane had received a sweater the previous Christmas. It had been a very yuletide sweater. And a positively yuletide box, wrapped in ribbon and with a presentation card. Now that she thought of it, that sweater's box had been one of those gifts marked "From Santa" in a barely readable script. Jane had worked out one of those years that this meant something from the Crocker Corporation - given without the usual intent of beta testing.

Which, upon review, would likely mean those gifts were from The Baroness. As was this. A tag, hidden behind one of the blue ribbons, read, "Happy 15/2 Sweeps" in that odd script.

The sweater would have been a better outfit than what she had assembled. Jake's departure had meant she could finally not act like the responsible one. The sweats didn't really fit anymore - and, objectively, The Demimonde Semigoddess hoodie never would have been in style. At first glance, she wondered if it be better to scrap the thing for grist and alchemise something useful - but she had loved that hoodie for a full month after she'd received it in the post. But, it was warm, still fit, and it wasn't like anybody else was due that day. She could set off laundry in the morning.

Jane wondered if she should just throw this new thing out, unopened. But, of all The Baroness' gifts, nothing wrapped like this had ever harmed her. And perhaps, to an alien, 7.5 was a particularly important number. She untied the ribbon. Slipped it off.

Took a deep breath - too deep - the box still had the dust and dirt on it from it's earlier journeys. She sneezed. A moment was merited to blow her nose. Ok.

Jane slipped off the lid.

It appeared to be a tail. Resting atop a royal blue fabric. Coiled upon itself. What looked to be a pair of cat ears, partially buried in the fabric. Both short white fur, a lot like... God-cat. Scaled up, though, to - well, human size? Was this a alchemized cosplay outfit?

She stroked the tail. It did feel a lot like Gcat's hair. And it was warm.

Whatever this was, Jane thought, as she ran her fingers over the warm ears, and the warm cloth, this was shenanigans. And the key to shenanigans working was timing.

Jane turned away a started washing the dishes.

~

It was after dishes we put away, after the sink was emptied and scrubbed, after the clothes washer was set off, after Jane switched off the kitchen light, that she heard shuffling and a murmur.

"FUCK YU j pull me out o here"

Jane flipped the light back on. She hadn't left the room. The cat ears had risen slightly, revealing Roxy's bangs and eyes under the navy blue the cloth - or, perhaps, it was better described as a hood. This, at least, seemed to fit the girl's known contortionist modus operandi.

"After today's shock? I think I might just have to retire first."

"can you rub it inn my face after yu get me outa the box iv been stuffen all day?"

Jane shrugged, "I suppose I could spare you a moment of my time." She slid in her fingers, suspecting an alchemical trick, a box bigger internally than externally - and her fingers hit the bottom almost immediately.

"is it the time i say yu wont beliv how tight im packed in here? serioulsly jus pull my by the tail," It straightened out as Roxy mentioned it.

"You mean..." No, no panicking just yet. She grabbed the tail - maybe pulling it at the base would be 'safer'? - and lifted. The flatness resolved into a rump rather quickly, and legs seemed to fall out from nowhere. In a fit of curiosity, she pulled the tail forward, and momentarily had Roxy sitting on her own face - however that worked. It gave the previously enclosed legs more than enough room to move, and not a moment later Jane found Roxy's legs either side of her head, and her own glasses pressed into her face via chest.

"happy late bday janie!" Roxy hugged her head as each leg straightened to reach the floor in turn.

"So- the Girl in a Cake trick. With no cake. And you were at my party, dear."

"i think it wouldda been a bit too noticible if rolal win missin before yr festivatations. sides, them ovens are hot."

"No-one bakes people into cakes, Roxy," Jane straightened her glasses, "They cut a hollow after baking - Now this is the weirdest outfit I've seen out of the game yet," Jane stepped back an arm's length.

The Royal Blue outfit's shoulder lines immediately reminded her her Roxy's carapace outfit - though the fabric itself wasn't as tempting as that introduction had been. Perhaps Jane's wardrobe additions since had dulled her to the sensory pleasure.

The hood was shorter, though, it seemed, better attached to Roxy's head. The waist - some sort of a corset, maybe? But it wasn't stiff... did that qualify as a bodice? Two rows of buttons on some high-waisted shorts - navy leggings - slip-on shoes. It was sort of a mess at first glance, to be quite honest.

"well, u arent wrong," Roxy undid some hidden snaps, and slipped the hood off. The ears remained, "ye probably should jus feel thes babies up."

It was as Roxy parted her hair for Jane that she noticed the furry set of ears was the only pair the girl had.

Jane took a sharp breath, sat down at the table. "I'm not going to give you the pleasure of fainting over these revelations. But. I assume then that the ears and tail are permanent?"

"spose i could hide them better. like. not quite as good as that tatter head thing. nothing pops off."

"'tater' - Mr. Potato Head? Is that implying you can still store your anatomy in your butt?"

"iv... been through a lot the past months. i kno ive been pretty scarse. an honestly a lot of it has been figurin out what cheap tricks i can do. and im a doozy of a boondollar store, apprently."

"So you're staying over," it was a command. Jane was slowly standing back up, but looking very much ready for bed.

"i would"

"Then we'll have plenty of time for whatever else you've wanted to say after breakfast..." Jane shook her head at nobody in particular as she made her way towards the blankets and pillows shoved into storage, "And I had just started to clean up after Jake."

~

Jane shuffled by the couch once during the night, for a late remedy to a parched throat and to check the clothes drier had actually be set off. She had quite enjoyed her lapse of dilgence after ther previous house guest had left. But passing her current one - Roxy had apparently curled backward enough to pin her head between the couch and her back. She was snoring.

Jane gently straightened her out before heading back up. She was sure the snoring wasn't good for a person, at least.


	3. Chapter 3

Jane's eyes were open when her alarm went off. She still was in the habit of getting up before Jake - the intactness of her house always seemed to be at risk when he was unsupervised. Besides, the Land of Crypts and Helium's sharp sunrises here weren't a pleasant thing to wake up to.

It was going to be pancakes this morning, she decided. She could do those without eggs. She looked down at her nightgown - in itself the only nightwear Jake hadn't commented upon as being indecent. After a strategic watching of Golden Girls ... if Betty White could wear it on Television, there was no reason to comment on Jane Crocker wearing it in her own house.

Which was to say, if Roxy cared one iota that she was wearing something a geriatric would, Jane would smack her upside the head.

She found Roxy still draped over the couch, relatively untwisted. The girl's outfit was still the same shades as the previous evening but - different. Pajama-like? Everything was cut differently. Did it actually change after Roxy went to bed? Or was it swapped?

No, carbohydrates. Jane just needed to concentrate on the carbohydrates. Roxy would answer questions later.

She donned an apron - bright Crocker red, low-tech enough to still have the spoon branding - which also seemed appropriate enough to wear with a nightgown.

She regarded the sack of flour as she retrieved it from the proper shelf. How many times now had she cooked with this same sack of flour? She'd considered marking the bags as she alchemized their replacements.

Milk. Jane's greatest regret was not realizing the need to 'archive' her baking supplies right when they had joined the game. A whole three days fresher milk would have been lovely.

Baking powder. That was on the low side.

Sugar. Still too much of this stuff, honestly.

Vegetable oil. Canola. Jane had heard somewhere that is was called "Rape seed oil". What language was that even? Not English.

Salt. That would last forever.

Water. Honestly she had prepared a captcha card for water, expecting that it would soon be power outage conditions, but there was no limit to water or electricity.

Roxy really needed to wake up soon, to distract Jane from this internal dialogue.

~

It was mid-mixing that Jane heard the first shuffles from the couch. A side-glance placed Roxy as 'headed upstairs', a rumble of pipes a minute later denoted that, whatever she was, she was still human. Or a mammal. Probably. She was smart enough to fake this.

The sun rose. Or, rather, Skaia. It was brighter than anything reasonable, casting shadows sharp as knives.

Fortuitously, Jane's grill could be laced out of line from any windows. She let it heat.

Creaks of descending the stairs finally came, but they were slow. Quiet. Shenanigans. Should I let this play out, Jane wondered. It could make up for Roxy's disappointment yesterday. And Jane would rather deal with a hastily thought up prank than a carefully planned one. Still -

Jane walked back over to the pantry, through the blaze of new sunlight. She got a glance though the door - yes, it looked like Roxy was warming up for something. Sunlight and the retrieved maple syrup masked Jane's observation well enough.

~

"Roxy? Are you up yet?" Jane kept her back to the door to the living room, "Breakfast is almost ready."

Roxy gave a theatrical yawn in response, "yeh janie be rit ther."

Her feet were bare - their pattering sound was much more obvious on the kitchen linoleum. But something was being dragged too.

"Could you set the table?" Jane glanced over her shoulder, wondering when the proper time to react might be. Even if she pretended to be taken, that couldn't stop her for over-analyzing the situation.

Roxy was walking toward her with slow, careful steps. Knees bent for balance, waist bent for effect. Roxy's top half hung behind her, arms dragging on the ground. From a carefully chosen angle, it would look like a magician's bisection had got a mind of it's own, the legs of the girl just cut in half wandering off on their own.

Impressive, but bad as a prank, Jane thought to herself, she won't be able to see initial reactions... That isn't the outfit she slept in, is it?

Jane flipped the cooking pancakes, "I've got the syrup right here..." sound distracted, right. She felt Roxy bump into her.

"The syr- AHHHHHHHh!" Jane jumped back from the counter, spatula and syrup in hand.

Roxy was trying hard to make her expression look half-woken, "whaat u wnated me to help," she couldn't hide her self-satisfied smile.

"Oh. Um..." Jane first reached out with the spatula. Pulled back. Offered the syrup. Roxy didn't immediately respond, so Jane just set the bottle on her upturned... stomach. The bit of fabric stretched out between her presumable rib-cage and pelvis, at least. It might actually make a decent table, if the girl underneath wanted to put up with the burden.

Roxy shuffled back to the table still bent over, as Jane watched, steadying the bottle with one raised hand while still dragging the other. She was still trying very hard to look sleepy. It was obvious, though, that the girl had spent a lot more time stretching than practicing such expressions in a mirror. Jane, however, was pretty well practiced in bringing her expressions through the five stages of grief as applied to pranks. At least, that's what she would call them if a new edition of Sassacre's joke book were in her future.

As Jane let herself be distracted by the second batch of pancakes, Roxy converted to a backbend-walk on both feet and hands. She loped over to the plates, choosing the 'bad' set under the counter, and loaded herself up with forks and napkins - pausing for Jane's glances.

"Is this how you get around your house these days? Or Derse?"

"yu don't wanna see me spend the whol day warmin up, do ya? an after yesterday ... i just wanna keep movin, ya know," to actually set the items on the table, she was now on two feet - head half-resting on her buttocks, but considerably more upright. A slow process, but one Roxy seemed happy to take her time on.

"I can imagine. Well. Would you please join me in sitting normally for breakfast?" The last pancake made its way to the stack, the heat turned off, the serving plate moved to the table.

"breakfast, sure. not promacin anything for dinner," Roxy stood up before taking one of the chairs, raising her hands in a shrug.

"I'll take it. Your pancakes, madam," Jane deftly transferred a par with the spatula, "would you care for butter or syrup to go with that?"

Roxy took the syrup bottle and sniffed at it, before putting it down "yknow what, i think i got somthin you'll like."

Roxy then, by all appearances, proceeded to pull a bottle from her ass.

"fer yer approval, miss."

"What. The. Fu...." Jane stopped herself. Sat down. Apparently the bottle Roxy had handed to her contained raspberry syrup, bu its label. "Roxy. How much junk did you alchemize to make this outfit?"

"i... ok, jane. it aint the outfit. it's me. or... what the game did to me," she paused for a long moment, he mouth hanging open, "after I died."

"After you died."

"well. i got better," Roxy gave a weak smile, "and you can too?"

"You're serious?"

"i..."

"Ok. I'm going to eat these pancakes. WE are going to eat these pancakes. For the next 30 minutes, no surprises."


	4. Chapter 4

Five minutes later, Jane just short of inhaled her first stack of pancakes - the Raspberry syrup was agreeable enough, presuming it's origin was more shenanigans. "More milk?" she asked, heading over to the refrigerator.

Roxy shook her head, but continued to say nothing. The request for no surprises had been interpreted as a command for silence. She chewed slowly, deliberately, trying to plan out her method of attack. But... there was too much to tell.

Until COLD. Roxy jumped a foot out of her chair and twisted back, having not a clue of what had just happened.

"'No surprises' request rescinded," Jane was holding a metal spoon. It was cold enough to have collected frost. "Well, the ears are real then," she dumped the utensil in the sink before actually filling her glass, "So, you're half cat then?"

Roxy breathed a sigh of relief, "short answer or long answer?"

"Go long, hun. Let's get the not-exactlys over with," and Jane settled down in her chair again.

"well, ok. the short is two parts rolal and one part cat, the long adds an extra four parts sprite."

"Four parts - video game graphics? Wait, no, the missing kernelsprites. You were the thief?"

"o yours, yeah. u saw the guy who got the boys ones yesterday."

"Clubs Deuce is your guy, then."

"he dont object to it or nothin. honestly, he needs a boss."

"So- I still don't get how that gets you cat ears."

"lemme tell you what we was supposed to do with these sprites, first. if we wer playin a proper game," Roxy took a deep breath, "we was supposed to dump in our dearly beloved and have a feely good time while they helped us complete ar questin."

"Helped - I was supposed to turn - say, Poppop - into a help file - a tutorial. What?"

Roxy gave a half-hearted nod.

"That sounds mean. Let the man rest in peace," Jane grimaced, "Or whatever he does."

"well he'd still be yr poppop right?"

"I suppose. Wait. Are you are tutorial now?"

"yr gettin ahead of me. wait," Roxy held up her hands in protest, "now imagine rolal thows in the most dearest thing to her in the whole world."

"Which is?" Jane leaned back in her chair.

"the former rolal - and yes, i mean the corpse. And no it wasn't a skeleton or anything, though that would have been as metal as it gets."

Jane face was hit with a new round of grimacing, but she remained silent.

"now these sprites need two things to be dropped in before dere 'finished'. one before you enter the game - and thats what boned us - and one after. but they stil work wether theys used corretly er not. and... but a sprite sorta counts as a thing, so a brand new roxysprite becomes roxyspritespritespritesprite p fast. an shes like, glowin in all these wierd colors and pretty much a headache to look at. and no legs. did i mention no legs? no legs. just flotin around like a spectatr. spetter. ghost."

"Ok. And then I guess the cat jumps in and... stuff."

"stuff is right"

"And stuff includes you dying again."

"hey, it wasnt my plan -" Roxy stopped abruptly. Too fast.

If Jane noticed the pause, she did not let on, "So. Tutorial lady. How do we win this game and go home."

Drat. "we don't."

Roxy let the words sink in.

"its like, a salvage operation. we take what we can and get out the back door. not that i know exacttly whats on the other side of that door. but we aint winning this game."

"So... quests?"

"pointless"

"The murals - the 'they who wait' -"

"they come to some other version of us. who made better choices, i guess."

"And we just sit here and try not to rot."

Roxy was scratching at her head.

"So - I guess you know about scavenging then, right? Do you have a horde you've been building u-"

Roxy yipped abruptly. She was holding her head. "gurl - somefin -"

She sat bolt upright. "JANE. WE GOTTA GO. SORRY."


	5. Chapter 5

Jane had a momentary thought that, Gcat being part of whatever Roxy had become, his - his? - powers of teleportation might be part of the mix. But what happened next was certainly not the teleportation Jane had speculated on.

First Roxy had grabbed Jane's hand. And then... inverted. No. Jane had sunk in. No. Body stocking? No. Those Water Snake toys. Roxy's outside some how slipped through her insides and pulled Jane along with her.

It was more weird then unpleasant, Jane thought, taking a moment to analyze. But also, fetish-y in a way she was pretty sure neither of them were. Hopefully.

It took Jane a moment to calm down before she looked around at their new locale. This locale was space. Up. Down. Left. Right. The other ways. Roxy was there - taking a moment to straighten herself, then waiting for Jane to do something. Oh, there was one thing - a landmark, if you could call it that. A green star. Just over Jane's shoulder.

Jane tried to twist around to get a better look at the star - not doing very well.

Roxy began to literally swam laps around her as she attempted, "i kept the floating-mid-air feature too - p handy out here," she finally offered Jane an elbow and helped the other girl reorient.

"Roxy, this is ridiculous, You're ridiculous. Us being in space. That star being green. I don't think stars are supposed to be green. Ridiculous. All of it."

"yeah," Roxy was looking more tired by the minute, "more redic than you can even know. like, i've got whol databases in my head now. i've frikkin died more times than i can count since... yr bday, maybe? and that-" she pointed to the star in the distance - "there are two universes worth of junk in there. they were the ones who were supposed to come for us," she let out a little sniffle, "and its nobodys fault cept hers that they arent."

Roxy was starting to cry. Jane tried to side-hug her.

"its all her fault. and i - i let her - you -"

"Roxy, it's ok. Shhhhh-" It was hard to gently rock in space, but Jane sure tried.

"the condesce. fed me the game and i took it. i let myself think itd save u an jake. or at least we wouldnt be the last humans nymore."

Jane, not knowing what to say, continued to rock. To pat.

"an now she wants me to get u to join up."

"The 'Condesce'. The Baroness?"

"yeah. i was supposed to sweetalk u. then jake. and dirk. fraaaak jane, she has some posters. and jake's a jazzed up in purple and cloun paint. she thinks hell be a juggalo," Roxy was laughing. A mean laugh, "an its allto save her skin fuc"

Roxy reached behind herself and produced a bottle from the void, Everclear, and took a long draught, "you know, i've died twice from alcohol poisonin? cause i wanted to see if i cud - it was harder the snd time. hella way to build up a resistanc-"

Jane grabbed the bottle away from Roxy, and lobbed it in the general direction of the green star, "Stop this! You were going to give drinking up!"

"dyo kno how many tims i tol meeeself tha? an ifict, never didd?" Rocy began to reach behiind her again, but Jane grabbed the arm and pulled it back.

"Roxy. Roxy, I want an answer. What happens if the Baroness gets her way and I join in?"

"she kill u. nice lik, that u come bak agehosn. theeers this tabl- oh, let shwew-"


	6. Chapter 6

The good thing about their trip back was that Roxy had paused for a moment before pulling Jane into a separate reality. The bad thing was RoxyTube had smelled rather smashed doing it.

But Roxy was already sobering up. But - she also seemed suddenly much calmer. Now that Jane thought about it, she felt a lot calmer.

"that shuld have been long enoug-" Roxy was still floating like it was nothing, "but here we ar. er, here u ar."

It was a huge room. The floor - two slabs - were the only lighting. There were some chains far overhead. Yellowish. So this might be Prospit.

"core of the plannet, actually. yu could find your way down, but its a lot harder than the roxy expres."

"And what happens here?"

"ya lay down there," Roxy pointed at the opposite slab - it had a swirled green symbol Jane had seen... somewhere... "an ya die. or get killed. kinlling should be faster," Roxy chuckled to herself.

"And you're the killer?" Jane glanced around nervously. There were no obvious escape routes.

"i think condy wants to do the honors. probebly. after fish friday or somfin. and bouquet - not some sex thing."

"'Somfin'. You said that right before -"

"yah that was her earlier - but its still me. jus. frack. u know how many fish puns she makes in a month? frak. The whole godtier thing hapened affer she showd of somma he psyco powers an still i did it." Roxy sat down on the other slab. Jane's slab.

Jane took a moment to piece together the statement, "So... Miss Tutorial, should I do it?" Jane was still guarded. Not that she knew she could beat Roxy, but - maybe tie her up in herself? That would buy some time.

"wel... id be pretty lonly in a hundred years if you didnt. an the game does really expect u to, at some point. youll get powers too. n the float option."

Jane squatted. "Her" death-slab didn't really look that impressive, save for the location. "If I say I'll have to think about it?"

"i wasnt eve sposed to show u this tday. the gol - was to get u to sit in on the derse parade. lame, but she prolly has some plan to impress ya. i cek in after ya say yes, er, check - and thas my job for the day."

"So if I want to visit the dollar store of cheap tricks - browse it's inventory, you could say - you could text her now and get that part over with?" Jane crossed her arms. She wanted to get away from here.

"boondoller store, janie," Roxy produced a cell phone - out of a sylladex and not thin air, and started typing - "my place or yours?"

"I'm sure there are more interesting locations."

"sure," Roxy looked up form the screen, then back down, "justa moment, i gott call her a biptch"


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the day was a much more scenic survey of the seven lands than the Courtyard Droll had led Jane on the previous day, with a short break for lunch to reheat and finish flapjacks. And gossip - or catching each other up, to a different mindset.

Either way, Jane became somewhat used to the back-and-forth swish of RoxyTube - Origin to Green Star to Destination - though the midway stop seemed excessive. Apparently Roxy's so-called "Void" powers, bestowed by the game, interfered with whatever the God-Cat had contributed. It was, at least, faster than walking. Or being carried.

~

"So - that tag. 15 half-sweeps. What's with that?"

One of the tallest pyramids in the Land of Pyramids and Neon had a hidden balcony near the top - one of Roxy's suggestions. The iridescent arcs of the atmosphere seemed just a little bit closer - the two sat and watched the patterns.

"troll years. condy rlly wanted to include that when she heard the gift idea."

"Hmm," then Jane sighed, "Should I be disappointed I didn't get a proper gift from her? Or are you now my slave?"

"p sure she could just draft me back into her servass, bein queen an empress an all."

"I'm sure you make a great footstool for her highness."

"yu insult me girl. i'm throne material. an just for that -" Roxy put her hands between her legs, and easily lifted herself up into a handstand. Back bending, her legs lowed until her thighs paralleled the floor and her feet hung either side of her head, "ya gotta try it. get yr sit on."

Jane stood up and considered, "You're sure you won't fall over?"

"well I can always, yknow, cheat," Roxy demonstrated by lifting her hands off the floor, floating in place, before resuming a proper handstand, "but dont tell the audienc."

"Right. Um. Well I suppose -", Jane tried to awkwardly climb up Roxy's frame.

"wait-" Roxy tilted forward, gently depositing the other girl on her feet, before lowering herself to an elbow balance to lower the 'seat', "try again".

Jane sat solidly on the back of Roxy's ribcage, and leaned back on a very slightly padded arse-cushion for back support.

"I think I prefer the straightbacks in the kitchen," Jane quipped.

"hush", Roxy's arms straightened, and Jane's feet were hanging, "and rest them arms."

Jane made a but of fuss of trying to adjust Roxy's legs - the thighs wanted to press into her back - but settled in after a moment. In a long moment of silence, she tried to ignore the subtle shifts of balance happening beneath her, looking back to the arcs of plasma outside.

"I can't say I feel very queenly."

~

A street café, chairs and tables overflowing into the yellow royal square. There were maybe a dozen similar cafes skirting the area. All of them advertised TAB soda prominently. Two of them only seemed to offer the drink.

"but imagine, thousand of years hooked up ta a spaceship. he died withall the other trolls, though."

"Sounds like it would have been a creepy romance. Honestly - I honestly can't see anyone falling in love with her."

"didnt mr sassassacre do that, thouh?"

"Oh geez - at least let me imagine he was coerced."

"hafta wonder why daddeo never told you."

Jane shrugged, "Maybe he thought his little girl's life was complicated enough as it is. Maybe he didn't know."

"oh, he knew. tol me himself."

A wince, "Why can't we go see him? He's the only family I have."

"honestly, yr closer related to the rest of us than him. But that's ord-"

"What? Back up. How am I related to you?"

"once upon a time, in a session far away, there was a boy who pushed a big button and cloned 4 ppl - a lalonde, an egbert, a strider, and a harley."

"Ok - I've heard two of those names. Is this a sprite database thing?"

"yes, shut up. them clones were jus pipes full of green genetic goo - but the machine quicxly mixed them into another set. The goo was confabulated, and the resultin result was eight babies. through some time shenanagans, each of those babies got sent to two differnt versions of earth, spread accross the centurines."

"I... they.. he cloned..."

"janie. one of those babies was you."

"But... how..."

"the baby is you, jane."

"So I was cloned from two people I never met. Off of Earth. In another game. Session."

"almost. ye were actually cloned from an alternative verson of yrself."

"Alternative..." Jane was trying very hard, "How do you get a clone of a baby... the baby has no parents..."

"i dont think yr ready for recursivly resolved overwiting algorithms at this point. lets just say the version that works replaces all the versions that didnt. cept for us, the working versions were some other versions, who grew up to be old ladies. not the ones named crocker and english."

"I... but cool old ladies, I hope?"

"the cooolest. no question. and like, in that version, your puppup was like, your grandson. And maybe you adopted yr dad? dats a lil myserious compared ta most of th other entries."

"Ok. I mean... but wouldn't that make my Dad adopt- that's make all of us adopted. That would practically make us monsters of some sort?"

"weel, me mor than u," Roxy's furry ears twitched.

~

It was a long river across Skaia, one that had no geological right to exist. The path alongside was still challenging, but that's what Jane felt she needed right now.

"i cant tell you why. there is no why. just yr sprite is supposed to keep it from happening. an i am just doing my sprity doody." Roxy reverted to float along the path when Jane's attention was elsewhere.

"But you can see him, and he'll be fine?" Jane sat on a large rock, and searched through her sylladex. Napkins - that would do. Pencil? No. Pen? "Roxy, give me a pen."

There wasn't much of a way to make a production of it, so Roxy just pluck the concept of one from the mental expanse and handed it over.

Jane wrote. Got angry at her first attempt, threw it in the general direction of the river. The second attempt seemed to satisfy her, because she shoved the folded napkin into Roxy's face instead.

"Take it to him."

"now?"

"Now. I'll keep on going here," Jane was already resuming the hike. She wasn't prepared to wait.

"weel, back in a few den," Roxy slid through herself, out of sight. It was a less impressive thing to see than Jane might have imagined.


	8. Chapter 8

Jane hiked for hours, maybe, along that stream. There was no way to tell how long - the sky merely shone as at noontime, smattered with oddly lit clouds, and nothing seemed to be in it.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began bothering timaeusTestified [TT]

GG: Hal, is Mister Strider available for a chat?

TT: It would seem his latest libation is at its conclusion. I will alert him shortly.

TT: Are you sure you wouldn't care for a game of "Is it the AI or Dirk" in the meantime?

GG: I'll have to decline.

TT: A pity. Even in the probability that you are just pitying me, Lil Hal. As that is my name.

GG: Is there a bigger Hal I should be aware of?

TT: Within cinema, yes. But outside a cinema there is brotally a chance for self improvement, given the nature of the game we are in. I should reserve that name for such an opportunity.

GG: Oh.

GG: _Dirk_.

TT: Sorry, no, still an AI.

GG: Have you seen Roxy lately?

TT: No new information is available on Roxy Lalonde at this time.

~

TT: Jane? You still there?

GG: Yes, _Hal_.

TT: Well all this circuity is ready for a conbrocsation - no, wait. Horrible. I think I'm losing my touch.

GG: Have you seen Roxy lately? The AI apparently hasn't.

TT: Seen, yes. Thought I don't think I was supposed to. Bro's been lurking around in a blue outfit for a few weeks.

TT: Never known her to hide, so something is up.

TT: Would you, perhaps, be trying to shed more light on the subject, sparkling clean Prospitian that you are?

GG: Dirk, if you start up on that world thing again I'll come over there and bop you in person.

TT: I might welcome even that company. Jake hasn't been any friendlier since he left your place.

GG: Don't force the issue and let things happen. ***** You weren't like this with Roxy before the game, were you?

TT: Roxy and I have always been bros, but not _that_ kind of bros.

TT: Strike that.

TT: There was the whole 'preserve the species deal' for a while but nothing ever actually happened.

TT: Can't save a species with two people, you understand - at best there's inbreeding.

TT: Thus the whole 'preserving humanity through robots' phase.

GG: Did either of these phases involve Roxy prominently stretching out in front of you for no good reason?

TT: What are you talking about?

TT: I mean, all of them did.

TT: Every phase from the moment of first contact.

TT: I was honestly surprised that you only got the bend-over a few months ago.

GG: You mean she was flirting with you since you've met and you have been too gay to realize it.

TT: .....

TT: ......

TT: Not seeing it.

GG: Come on, Dirk.

TT: Does that mean you think Roxy's coming out of the too-tiny-box act was flirting. Bro. She don't think like that.

GG: How did you know about the box?

TT: I thought us Gays had the closet reserved. Not boxes.

TT: She actually came out of a box?

GG: Not the first time. Once.

TT: This is new - wait, is she hanging out at your place now?

GG: I'm not hanging at my place now.

GG: I have no idea where she is.

GG: I wish I did. It's a little worrying.

There was a pause. Jane had kept hiking - slowly - through the conversation. She picked up her pace for a moment.

GG: You call everyone 'bro', don't you?

TT: Sure.

GG: You know, I called Roxy that - once - and she blew up. Started putting 'girl' or 'woman' into almost every conversation.

TT: Does she?

GG: Doesn't she?

A reply didn't come. Neither did a logout.

~

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: Where the dickens are you at, girl?

No reply.

GG: If you're much longer, I'll have to find my own way back home.

Jane drank from the stream again. It was a little unnerving how exactly it tasted like the water at home.

The only Transportalizer Jane was immediately aware of was at the end of the trail. Time to pick up the pace.


	9. Chapter 9

When Jane heard the sonic boom, she looked for shelter before trying to find the source. She was passing by a rapids area - so there were several boulders to dodge behind. This fact jumped from barely registering to vital importance. Good Enough.

Then she looked at the sky - a clear... vapor trail, they called it? Had one of them triggered something?

Then, in a wide arc, the trail quickly turned back towards her.

Uh oh.

There was another boom as the UFO passed overhead again - quieter, perhaps. It was hard to tell if it was slowing down, but the vapor-trail had stopped. It seemed to be turning again. In fact, the dot it seemed to lock into a descending circle above her. Quickly descending. There had to be some overhang to hide-

The crash was not nearly as loud as Jane had expected it to be. It was a long moment before Jane looked out of her sheltered nook - no explosion. No smoke.

Roxy.

Roxy. Standing there, stretching like she had just woken up. Which was probably light stretching for her, as she twisted herself various directions, "hi jane!" came a shout, "sry it took so long, i was under orders not to mess with yr... reply." She picked up - a bag that Jane didn't immediately recognize as she walked up. Cube-ish. Large handles. Heavy-duty zipper. A little blood on one side.

Roxy noticed Jane's worried look when she saw the blood. "my bad. tehy call it a suicide burn for a reason. at least I saved yr presant."

Jane unzipped the bag and - it was a bowling ball. Baby blue with marble swirling in blues and greys. Facing the top, "J Crocker" was cut in the side in white letters. 16 pounds.

Jane took the bag and sat down, remembering. How years back she had started going off to the lanes with her Dad, under the premises of ogling the hot mustaches. Of course, he had made her play. She kept throwing the kiddie balls into other lanes - he'd finally given her one of the greasy adult ones to try before she managed to stay in her own.

They'd been going pretty regularly before SBURB had separated them. He'd asked if she waned to join the youth teams. She had refused. First, because she'd have to practice before that. Second - it was their time. Time when he'd turn off his phone and they could talk. About life, giving her bowling tips - even if she was pretty sure the tips were stuff he'd been looking up online the previous week.

She set the ball down among the riverside's pebbles and dug into the bag. It would be here. The card. There were other things - a ball cleaning kit. She set it aside. A box - postcard sized.

"yoink," Jane looked up to see Roxy carrying the bag towards the river, leaving Jane with the box. Hopefully to clean off the blood.

She opened the box. Yes. There was a card. Hand cut, typed out. A bit of a tear at the top.

> Daughter.
> 
> If you are reading this, You've achieved the glorious age of 16 years old.
> 
> The next year may be a difficult one, or it may be easy. You may not feel  
>  you are ready for it. But I will be here to help you as much as I can.

It... was different. No "proud of you". And to be honest - she hadn't seen him for months. It was not his fault- but-

There was another card underneath. Cleaner typing, somehow, she realized. More sloppily cut edges.

> Daughter.
> 
> As you read this, you are doubting if I should actually call you that.  
>  You may wonder if you should call me your father any more. But from  
>  the few glimpses I have been able to get over the past few months; I love you.  
>  I am proud of you. And you will always be my daughter.
> 
> I miss you.

Jane didn't want to think. About what this was doing to her dad. About how she might have come across in that napkin-note.

The there was one more thing in the box, beneath that note. A picture she recognized. The last picture from a set pf 4 photo-booth pictures. They had been taken at the strip mall beside the bowling alley.

He had said it was his favorite one of the set.

Jane felt hollow. He wasn't dead. He just - he wasn't here now. Tears would do no good.

The put the notes and the photo back in the box, picked up the bowling ball. It felt right. The finger holes still needed to be drilled.

A few slow, deep breaths. Gazing at Prospit rising in the sky.

~

"Roxy, are you done cleaning that bag yet?" Jane wandered over to the river, carrying the bits - the bag was there, sunning it self on a boulder.

Roxy's head poked out of it.

"I take it you're comfortable in there?"

"if it fits i sits," Roxy replied, turning her head slightly.

Jane wasn't sure whether to groan or be fascinated, "If I were to push your head I would I be able to zip that up?"

"u can try. but youd have to deal with my knees too," Roxy's head pulled back and, in fact, her face was suddenly all knee. Jane was given a moment to twitch nervously before the knees disappeared again.

"I think I prefer normal origami more. But I guess that it means I'll need to politely ask before I can put my ball away."

"o shur."

Jane looked away as a leg shot out of the bag. She didn't especially want to get used to this new form of body horror.

~

"You flew all the way here?" Jane was looking over the bag, wondering if everything that had come out of it should go back in. Her sylladex got the notes and photos, definitely.

"yr dad said i wasn't sposed to change anything. so i went conservative-like on the spacy stuff."

"Couldn't you have taken a transportalizer?"

Roxy thought for a moment, "it wasnt the first thought to occur to me. so no."

"You must have passed by dozens on the way here, though!"

"lets jus say the game considers decisions scary things, ok? im sure i could explain it more if i had a time player sprite but all i got is a pile of vague references. do no harm, dont be a hero, do the stupid thing specially if its th first thing that comes to mind," Roxy was leading Jane back to the crash site, hands still filled with bowling ball and bag.

"Sounds like the game wants you to be a gag character," they arrived, "Yeah. Yeah. This looks like a horrible idea. What where you even trying to do?"

Several rocks were bloodstained, a few had chunks obviously sheared off. The trail of splotched blood, fabric and presumably skin residue was two meters wide and a good deal longer.

"i was trying to stick the landin in a split like van damme wuld."

"I've never heard of people 'Sticking Landings' from orbit. And - who?"

"a interplanetary ballistic trajectory has nothin to do with orbits. sides, i kno you saw the helix at the end. and, AND, hes the guy who did them hanging straddles."

"I'm sure you're going to show me even if I knew exactly what you meant."

"couse i am," Roxy scratched her chin, "thou its really sposed to be between two moviging supports. remind me latr -we realy gotta go though my sylladex and grist som things. i been doing way too much hording fer all the stuff iv poofed into existance the past weeks."

"Sure. Though it seems besides the point if you can create anything you can imagine."

"its what i cant imagine up that im interested in - bit blit that ol alchemeter," Roxy decided on two recently sheared boulders, "kay. lets see if this did my legs any good."

Roxy didn't float up between the two rocks, or slide down, like Jane assumed she would given the word "split". Instead, she walked up, as if ascending a tansparent stairway.

"did i ever tell u how dirk an i had a project to send his robots to mars? the thought itd be a monument to humanity or somthin. never got out o the atmoshpere - not enough fuel," She allowed her legs so start sliding apart slowly, "but it tought me a lot bout fligt i guess. thust and center of gravity. least the kerbins and ther space program did - i think that game cam out a little after u left," Her feet were spread as far to her sides as she could get them. Taking a moment to concentrate, she balanced between the two rocks, suspending their span parallel to the ground, "fak. this is like. nothin. i could probably cruch a pumpkin with these thigs now," she gave Jane a look, "er other things."

Jane ran a finger under her collar, "You... should probably try the pumpkin first. But I'm sure I can defend myself if worst comes to worst," The bag had at some point dropped to her feet - the ball, thankfully, was not one to complain under her grip.

"hmmmm," Her point proven, Roxy let herself dip lower, trying to keep a grip on the rocks as her feet drew closer towards her head and each other. She got to 2:50 before she started to slip. She grabbed her feet, which were visibly lifted off the rocks a bit, and reeled her feet up to a more extreme angle as she slowly floated to the ground.

"Is it easier to train that sort of stuff with flying powers?"

"harder, somtimes, becaus yr tempted to keep gravity from doin its thing. im still working on the fine adjustments tho."

"Fine adjustments?"

"got tier flyin is like - easy mode. think an you go. which means iff yr stuck thinking yll fly like superman, you fly like supermans. if you wann do somthin special, tho," Roxy popped her hips forward, bringing her butt to her back, and grabbing her feet somewhere over her head, and made a slow flying circle around Jane feet-first.

The move made her awkward outfit... sleek, honestly. The puffed-out seams now were pulled tight, edges in place where it would make sense. Roxy had spent a lot of time on flying. "takin into account things like aerodynamics and a bowlin ball payload, yu gotta know what yr doin," she stopped circling, rose, fell, spun, banked left and right, "or yr just gonna be confused", she circled backwards - or, rather, stretched abdomen leading - before tipping back and landing on her belly. "and yu can too."

"I never was much of a dancer on land. I'm a little suspicious I'd be able to match you in the sky."

"iv seen you doo youth rolls. dont give me this clumse shit."

"Don't put words in my mouth, please," Jane stood up, "I just don't have a background in rocket science. Let's get going."

"don ya wanna..."

"No. What ever you're going to say, no. I'm finishing my hike first." Jane finally realized she was still holding the bowling ball, so she bagged an captchalogued it for safe keeping.

~

"My dad."

"er... not much. yu can alcemise his car inta somthin."

"Ok - that green star?"

Roxy's mouth moved silently for a moment, before she let her voice be heard, "teh GREEN SUN is made from two instances of other sessions. one was our ansesters. one was... condys ansesters? if that makes any sense. itz all sorta iffy."

"Ok. Was that universe where young Poppop was supposed to come form?"

"yeah. er... i think so. he just seems to pop into records with no cross referenes. an he seems a lil death prone? cant quite tell wahts goin on there."

Jane thought for a moment, "Any chance more information will unlock when I level up?"

"mebe. dont really know. i dont think anything new has shoed up as i leveled in godtierin. but who knos."

The pair got to the top of the last hill. Below them - an easy walk down - was a full set of transportalizers, to each of the orbiting planets.

"Is Jake home?"

Roxy stared off into space for a moment, "nah, hes on prospit. why?"

"Snails. What do you have on snails?"

"what ar... how do ya spell that?"

"S. N. A. I. L. S for plural."

"nothin. why?"

"Jake mentioned something in the Land of Mounds and Xenon. I want you to see it."


	10. Chapter 10

The snails were big. Numerous. Covering much of the particular circle of obelisks just out of view of what remained of Jake's home. The Stones... seemed to be in the process of being moved. There were drag marks. Nothing seemed to be currently attempting to move the stones, though - snail or otherwise.

"Jake was using them as target practice before he hunkered down at my place," Jane was doing the whole detective bit, which at the moment included examine the drag marks behind the stones, "They multiplied while he was gone, according to him. And he's so sure they aren't the ones moving the stones that I'm now sure they must be."

"theyre buildin... a snastle"

"Pardon?"

"a snastle. snale castle." Roxy motioned in a peculiar way.

"A. Snail castle. I mean- I suppose."

"nooo, a snastle. ta rule their sningdom."

"I... What?"

"did that meme happen afer you entered the game?" Out flashed Roxy's phone, and she began typing rapidly. "2014. two years. fick. uhh-" The phone flashed back out of existence. The girl had obviously swapped out the ship in a bottle fetch modus for something more discrete. "its like.... a contraction thing. lik a snail chuch is a snurch. its... just a dumb thing."

Jane tuned her attention to the inside of the circle of stones, "They could easily be building a sna..thedral?" She glancing back at Roxy. The other girl mimed gagging. "If they get really powerful, we'll need a snambasador." Roxy opted to fall on her back in shock. "Well, if you don't want the nomination, just say so."

Jane walked over and tapped on one of the shelled creatures - it was at least as long as her hand - before it retracted into it's shell. The tried gently tugging on another - and given what the interpreted as a look of disorientation, she transferred it to her arm. "Roxy, now that I think of it - were - are - snails still around in the future?"

"mebe somewher. i don think i evr saw one tho," she was content to lay there, watching the proceedings.

"Well, if they aren't in your database, then Jake certainly brought some with him. Odd that they're only been attracted to this ruin, though," Jane walked back to Roxy, carrying the one on her arm and the other still in it's shell. The latter was placed on the fallen Roxy's chest. "To be quite honest, I haven't seen too many either. Certainly not this large." She gently ran her finger over the snail on her arm - for a few seconds it regarded the giant with disdain, but let the offense pass.

The snail on Roxy's chest decided the coast was clear, and started examining it's surroundings. The surroundings, in fact, tasted horrible. As Roxy watched, it glided off her, back in the general direction of the upraised stones, leaving a slight mucus trail behind it.

"i dunno janie"

"Don't know about what?"

"id dunno if i culd crawl on my belly like that," Roxy flipped over to lie on her front, convulsed a for a few moments. "nop" came out, muffled.

"Well then, madam rocket scientist, I think you may just be forced to cheat."

The prone body rose a handbreadth above the ground, "fine."

"The shell would be a separate matter anyways."

"wha?"

"It's hardly appropriate for an ambassador - an snambassador - to be naked, is it? Besides, if any one of us could curl up in a snail shell it would be you."

Roxy looked up, a look of puzzlement turning into one of realization, "janie - you can ask me fer weird things. jus srait up ask," the arched her back to look up at Jane behind her, the bend further, and ended up resting shoulders on the back of her legs, "i meen ya dont hav ta justify anyf- anything. i am lit yr designated wingman. wingkitty."

Jane gave a long sigh, thinking, then sitting on the grass. Roxy twisted to the side to continue facing her, still bent back.

"Ok - is there a summon limit size? Like your 'Roxy Express' limit? I mean you in a snail shell is a stupid idea-"

"tru"

"-but it isn't like some..." Jane frowned, "rectal limiter to the size of the summon, is there?"

"the lemit seems ta be how much i understand the thing - but the asspull thing just makes it a lil showier an easier. i guees. but serious ly jus ASK if you got an idear."

"I... Ok, I just thought of the snail shells and wondered how tight you could roll up. Like a roll cake. But without any filling, you understand. Unless you consider clothes filling? Maybe calling it a 'carpet' would be better... That sort of thing..." Jane looked away, a little flustered.

"OH," Roxy snapped out of the bend, laying on her side, propping her head up with her hand, still hovering over the ground, "backbend? head first? i spose you culd try it all four ways if ya wanted - i meen, id love ya to," in the pauses, Roxy cleaned her teeth with her tongue. Who knows what that action distracted her from doing.

"If you want me to - well - I mean, you've already had The Baroness - er - Baroness - already do pretty much everything to you, right?"

"actually - i dont remember anything lyk that? condys fine getin her sit on me but she dont pull that much. fraid shez gonna pull off a leg or somthin andll have to retrain it," Roxy shrugged a bit, "honest if you mess me up that bad, id be supprized an shed deserve the setback."

Jane was looking back at Roxy now, her face pensive.

"ill remind you i died less than a hwr ago on mi own. bend me b."

Jane nodded in confirmation, but still didn't move.

"janie, only yu can distract me from breakin my own head open in betweem my thighs."

A pained look started on Jane's face, which she tried to suppress, "Well- if those are the two options-"

"ohhh lookit that leggie-" Roxy raised a leg into the air, and it started to arc towards the upraised chin, "its commin fr me janie - help me jane -" A look of mock horror was in her eyes.

Jane rose to her feet and backed away, "It's too late Rox, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"seariaos ly? yr making me finish this?"

"Hey, you're the one who wants to show off."

"i... well," Roxy tried to catch her head behind her knee, but she couldn't get the two to line up far a good hold, "ech. i didnt plan this out to wel. now ya gota save me from bad plannin."

"Ok- Ok," Jane paced for a moment, "You probably shouldn't be floating for this. I guess."

Instead of lowering to the ground, Roxy floated up, leg still extended behind her head and back, "take me janie."

Taking the hint, Jane reached out to grab Roxy - then the girl fell, flopping over Jane's outstretched arms, the leg behind her back stretching to an even more ridiculous angle, doing nothing to straighten her out.

"Shouldn't there be - limits - or safewords - or something?"

Roxy sighed, "hokay, if I start shivering, let up a bit, ifi moan hold it in place... if i fall asleep just keep goin if ya want, and I don't do the intersecty thing unles i need to or ya tell me. good?"

"If you want me to stop?"

"den im a wus. an i talk."

"I... ok."

"i die in practic all the time. jus mak it good."

Jane groaned.

"or, if ya leve me like this much linger, i'm gonn ahve pins an needles worse then death. tru fact."

"Fine, fine-" Jane reached over Roxy's bent - well, it might be a waist if not for the stretched leg, but the word didn't quite seem to fit right now - and laced fingers with the outstretched arm. She turned them, flipping a backbend to - well, she had hoped to somehow balance Roxy in a split on her arm, but the girl fell into an awkward heap on the ground. The extended leg still managed to stay behind the girls' head. Jane gently untangled the girl - cat girl - actually having to avoid those ears was a reminder. Laying Roxy out properly on her back, Jane took another moment to think.

"Wait - just where did that tail go?"

"nowher. er - me ta kno any yu to find out?"

"Oh, I'll find it - might as well do the full rug test!" Jane grabbed Roxy's ankles and tried to flap her vigorously - which might have worked if Roxy was actually boneless. The flopping that actually happened was... just disturbing. Some pendulum on pendulum chaos. After a few jerky motions, Jane realized she hadn't considered exit strategy.

"Roxy - I'm just going to throw you upwards - float on down, ok?" and, extra power on the upward swing, and... liftoff.

To her credit, Jane successfully aimed Roxy's limp body away from the stone structure. Unfortunately, Roxy's previous training was against the provided indecisive instructions. That body crashed back to earth in full ragdoll mode, limbs ignoring their own physical boundaries and twisting in directions it might take math with imaginary numbers to describe.

Jane rushed over - Roxy was breathing. She hadn't died. Presumably. But... ugh. "Roxy? ....Roxy? Please.. Lord Almighty did you just wink?"

Roxy had. She followed it up by sticking out her tongue.

The tangled mass bore more of a resemblance to the mangled and misprogrammed videogame characters Roxy had occasionally sent her links to. Or, oddly, God-cat curled up somewhere - not that Jane had too many opportunities to observe this. The cat's intent had always seemed to be messing with her - how much of that was supposed to be the Baroness' intent? No, that thought could be filed away until after whatever this was.

Jane tentatively prodded at the body, suddenly afraid the might be able to fall into this mess - but no. Subtle give, but the blue mass was resolutely denied access to whatever was on the inside of it.

"Found your tail," Jane gabbed it at the base, poking out from what she hoped was a disturbed waistline. She pulled up, lifting and gently shaking the mass of limbs - things flipped and straightened out, and suddenly she was holding a girl again, limbs bumping into each other rather than intersecting.

"Cats are supposed to land on their feet, aren't they..." Jane grumbled to herself as she sat her ragdoll down on it's feet - and Roxy promptly flopped forward, but this was something Jane had seen before. Little more than a toe-touch. She took the time to manually straighten Roxy out on her back again.

Then another long, observant pause to gain confidence. "So - rolling up a carpet. It doesn't look like your legs will be any good at curling up appropriately-"

A loud SNAP brought her attention back to Roxy, lowering her hands form either side of her head, "nek," was the only word of explanation she gave, before going limp again.

"All right, all right. Well, this will probably mess it up again-" Jane took a moment to massage Roxy's shoulders - it seemed like a good idea - before gingerly lifting and twisting her head, and pressing it up against her chest, ear to sternum.

"Please say something."

"still gatta heartbeat," it was a little strained, but clear.

Jane sighed. She continued to roll, making sure Roxy's ears were laying flat before they were enveloped, and the other ear - well, it must be laying somewhere around her navel. Though the operation had revealed a fact Jane had already been deliberating - something was wrong with the girl's ribs. There weren't enough of them - half the ribcage, maybe, that she expected a person to have. She might have considered this further if there weren't still Roxy's legs, to play with.

Jane struggled a few moments to find some method to curl one leg of the pair, but... even twisted, Roxy's knees still were built for human walking. Which meant it was time to try a backbend, after a slow release. Jane wasn't sure what would or wouldn't cause a sprain - so she tried to time the slow regression to the minute clothing shifts of Roxy's breath.

Whatever was under those clothes, if must look amazing. Terrifying. Both.

When Jane set Roxy's head back down on the grass, she got a raised finger. "gimme a ... eugh... sec," followed by long, deep breaths.

"I have to wonder how small a birthday cake you could fit into, had you the mind to do so."

"heh," Roxy was adjusting her neck again - a small cacophony of pops came with it.

"Though - Dirk's probably a no-go. Jake would cry. The Baroness- well, she isn't into eating... people, is she?"

Roxy cleared her throat a few times before answering, "she keeps on mentionin 'grubloaf' - and 'grubs' are their bbys so... i cant say i wanna test it. k, we gonna try backbend?"

"Sure."

With the response, Roxy flopped on her front again, "leeme have it."

Roxy's neck bent backwards had a little less play bending bending backwards - it toot some twisting in odd directions to get a cheek against a shoulder blade. The upper back curled unnervingly easily - Jane took a moment to try and feel out what exactly Roxy's ribcage was now - and got a disappointed hum in response.

"Fine then." Roxy got her other cheek pressed into her odd expanse of back and into an uncomfortable bit of spine. The butt smooshed against collarbones and the whole mass weighted uncomfortably on over-extended ankles. And then, Jane sat on her inverted lap, making some show of trying to pressing her further into the grass and dirt. Though, If Roxy dared to talk at the moment, she would surly have said Jane's weight was not that heavy in the scale of weights that Roxy had endured.

At length Jane stood up and looked back at Roxy... She was breathing hard, and the additional weight hadn't really seemed to contribute anything.

"That... that's what you wanted, right?"

All Jane got was a non-committal hum. She unrolled Roxy... who honestly seemed a bit dazed.

"Uh... are you... ok? I mean..." Jane tried twisting Roxy's neck gently, and got some pops and cracks - and could only hope they were the right ones, "Was that ok?"

Another non-committal groan. Jane tried twisting Roxy's spine, pulling her shoulders form side to side - awkward, but ligaments scrunched back and forth while she twisted Roxy to either possibility of a reclined boob-and-butt pose.

Not knowing what else to do - Jane just flopped on the ground beside Roxy and let a few moments of quiet pass.


	11. Chapter 11

"I don't have to kill you now, do I?"

"nah. its just... it was a lil dissapointin. thats all. not that i was expectin you to have super amazin ideas but - that jus sorta felt gross."

"Sorry about that. Maybe I'll come up with something interesting soon but..." Jane gave a long sigh herself. "In cooking it's a lot easier to follow a recipe too, I guess."

Another minute passed.

"Rox, what do you talk about with my Dad?"

"oh, we talks about yu. des boys. i trey an catch him up - when i can. obvs ive been keeping some distance asa late. but iv sorta been keepin track of yall," a slow breath, "we talk bout what eath used to be like - havin a job an a house an peopl around. school. th electorall college. that sorta thing."

"Do you talk about the Baroness?"

"a bit. but itz like, he never grew up goin ta grammas house. but yu probably knew that."

"We certainly didn't. Great Grandmother, or whatever, but we didn't ever knock knees at the dinner table..." Jane's eyes still searched for stars in the black sky, even after all these months, "Do you show off? I mean, at one point I think I remember you having something of a crush. And believe me, it still sort of creeps me out to actually say it."

"i meen ... a little. but he always just took it as like, trying ta get comfortable on the couch. a cat thing. i never like, tried to smooch him up. an... hes a hugger. but. i unno. it just feels nice? to actually have a dad. in yr life."

"It's ok. I mean, I honestly have wondered sometimes if a complete stranger could walk up to him and call him 'Dad' and start a hug-fest... At the same time... I don't really want to know. What you two talk about. I'm just glad you can. But..."

The breeze still blew across the grass. But the word hung.

"...what does The Baroness talk about?"

"hmm. a lot of it's... chatty. repeatin herself. like she wants to be friendly, but fack if she knows how. an she - she shows off. a lot. if its not with some story - well, she tries and joke - i think i red one of them in yr grandpapys joke book. she seen it done but she cant do it. but she does like to show off poses. bending - stuff shes not evn trying to get me to do yet. an... theres some reminicin of her old empire and wars an trolls and her home - aternian? somthin like that. but shees all guarded and chosy of er words most of the time. like shes still bein carful about what i hear. or shes just not grat at storry tellin either."

"At least you aren't there to be entertained, then. But... I guess I do wonder what she's actually like."

"i stil do."

Another quiet moment passed.

"Can I just... one more thing?"

"what?"

"What happened before she met the Sassacre? How did she even get to Earth?"

"hmmm... i mean, there was a circus. i know that. an she was like, in space a really long time. which that lord english guy sort of ended? but he didn't have anythin to do with the circus. but they met there. an toured. around that oldy-time-united-states. but i guess she did the bendy thing while she toured."

"With those horns?"

"i dunno. but... you can ask her that yrself, right? at the parade?"

"I.... I guess."

"i kno sh want yu alive. an if she does try anythin... well, im your sprite. ill get you out. promise."

The lay a few more minutes before getting up and hugging goodbye - Roxy giving Jane a long moment to finally feel around her odd profile - before Roxy flew off. Towards Derse, by the look of it - Jane didn't bother to point out the nearby transportalizers.

It was time to come up with some proper questions.

**Author's Note:**

> Illustrations by [Jesseth](http://altamaranempire.tumblr.com/), [August](https://twitter.com/nyallipop), [CleoNova](https://cleonova.deviantart.com/), and [Cosmic Synthetics](http://cosmicsynthetics.tumblr.com/).


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